You are going to someone's house. You need to arrive with something. It should cost under twenty dollars, it should not be a bottle of wine they'll put in a cupboard, and it should not be a candle. Here's the case for the bar towel, and the eleven-dollar version of it that looks like you thought about it.
Why a bar towel works when a candle doesn't
A hostess gift has an odd job. It has to be generous without being an obligation, personal without being presumptuous, and it has to survive being opened in front of eight people.
Candles fail the third test — everyone nods and puts it on the side. Wine fails the first, because the host now has to decide whether to open it. A funny bar towel gets read aloud. That's the whole mechanism: it's a gift that produces a moment rather than an object.
They're also genuinely used. Every one of ours is cotton, printed on both sides, machine washable, and $7.
The ones that get read out loud
For the wine drinker
- "Drinking Our Children's Inheritance" — the best-performing joke in the range, and the safest with a crowd over forty
- "Wine Country" — the straight one, for a host you don't know well
- "Hello Bubbles, Goodbye Troubles" — for anyone who opens with prosecco
- "Already Screwed," "Poorly Screwed," "Not Worth Screwing" — corkscrew puns, escalating. Judge the room.
For the beer drinker
- "Group Therapy"
- "Relief Pitcher" — reliably good for anyone who watches baseball
- "I'd Tap That"
- "Save the Ales" and "Going to Ale in an Ice Bucket"
For December specifically
- "Dear Santa — I Tried" — the one to buy in bulk. There's a matching cocktail napkin.
- "Oh Tannenbaumed"
- "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Cocktails"
All thirty-one designs are here.
The $11 version that doesn't look like $11
A single $7 towel is a nice gesture. Pair it and it becomes a gift.
- $14 — towel and napkins. "Dear Santa — I Tried" in both. Matching sets read as deliberate.
- $14–15 — towel and foil cutter. Add a $7–8 foil cutter — grapes, fish, palm tree, hot lips. Small, and used on every bottle they open.
- $22 — towel and refills. If the host owns a Cork Pops opener, a two-pack of cartridges ($15) is the gift they'd never buy themselves and will genuinely need. Wrap it with the towel.
- $41–52 — the proper thank-you. For the friend who hosts every year: the Cork Pops Starter Set ($45) with a towel on top.
If you want to spend a bit more
For the host who does it constantly — the one whose house is always the house — the useful gift is the thing that makes the hosting easier.
Opening eight bottles across an evening with a corkscrew is genuinely tiring, and it always happens while they're trying to talk to someone. A Cork Pops Legacy ($34.50) doesn't use a screw at all — a hollow needle goes through the cork, a little food-safe inert gas underneath, and the cork lifts out whole in a couple of seconds, one-handed. It was patented in 1964 and it's still made by the same family in Novato, California.
It's also the sort of thing a host demonstrates to the next guest who walks in, which is the highest compliment a hostess gift can be paid.
A note on judging the room
The corkscrew puns are funnier the better you know the host. For a first visit, in-laws, or your boss's house, take "Wine Country," "Save the Ales," or "Dear Santa — I Tried." They're funny without requiring anyone to decide how funny they're allowed to find them.
Frequently asked questions
What is a good hostess gift under $20?
A funny bar towel at $7 paired with something small and useful — a foil cutter ($7–8) or cocktail napkins — comes to $14–15 and reads as a considered set rather than a single cheap item. It avoids the two usual failures: candles get put aside, and wine puts the host on the spot.
Are bar towels a good gift?
They're one of the few cheap gifts that get opened in front of people and produce a reaction. They also get used constantly, unlike most gifts at that price. At $7 they work as stocking stuffers, secret santa gifts and hostess gifts.
What do you bring to a dinner party instead of wine?
Something the host keeps rather than has to serve. A bar towel and foil cutter, cocktail napkins, or — if they host often — a wine opener. Wine obliges the host to decide whether to open it in front of you; a tool doesn't.
What's a good gift for someone who hosts a lot?
Something that makes hosting easier rather than another decorative object. An air-pressure wine opener removes the most repetitive job of the evening — the Cork Pops Starter Set is $45 with cartridges included.
Shop the collection: Hostess Gifts, including funny cocktail napkins and bottle bags.